How frustrated she must have been. The Mother to all of humanity, but damn if they weren’t disappointing. Not like the one son that flunked both English and Algebra, even after those countless nights doing homework together when you could have been watching television with the girls. Drinking dirty martinis on a random weekday. Grey’s Anatomy.

No it was entire civilizations of dirty, scheming, manipulative, bloodthirsty douchebaggery – so she turned up the faucets, and had one gullible fool named Noah build a big ass boat. And the fucker did it! Even rounded up some horny mammals, a few bags of seed, and sailed off while the beatings and final cleansing continued. So, so cathartic. A spiritual colonoscopy.

I just had one myself and while sharing the good news with a dear friend, he excitedly inquired how happy I felt? Swore he’d do it more often if they allowed. Love that aftermath feeling of purity! And I fully understood his exuberance. It did feel pretty awesome. Not that vile tasting gallon of worse than bong water swill, but maybe that warm blanket they cover you in right before the dirty deed. When they’re asking you all the repetitive questions that every hospital employee repeats as they joyfully come into your room. So fucking chipper knowing exactly what’s up. But the anesthesia – how fucking cool is that? The ultimate time tunnel travel that you have no recollection, yet still convinced (and anyone who listens) that it’s the best drug trip ever!

So I’m home, in bed, scrolling on the phone and wondering why my rectum isn’t sore after being undoubtedly abused and assaulted (by how many?) just hours ago. My wife agreed that the petite doctor was super adorable, but still wondered how and why she chose this as her specialty. I told her there were some women, and probably men too, that took great pleasure in witnessing my lovely cheeks, the view was priceless. She didn’t respond but asked me if I needed anything. No sense of humor.

Back to reality, and God, and the depraved intestinal track of contemporary world politics. Seems like an opportune time for an earthly cleanse. Granted, that would include me but I’ve been feeling an altruistic streak within. Provided there are survivors,

I called out for some help. I thanked the great powers for no complications and only one innocent polyp. But, while on the subject I inquired about the potential for divine enemas. Honestly, quite a few years passed since Noah rocked his ark, with all the scientific advances, with the exception of polling booths, the councils above must have something pretty painless and quick that could flush out the societal fecal matter from our planet and maybe start over?

I calmly entered my suggestion, maybe a quiet plea, as I convinced myself the question necessitated divine review. A cleanse of epic proportions. The world’s largest colonoscopy ever! Done. I said my peace. I’d been finally relieved of all my questions and all my demons. The Purge was over, and perhaps was again about to begin. Either way, I felt complete. And tired. I closed my eyes and much like the doctors this afternoon, I let the God’s have their way.