Mom bought his bible and dad the sneakers – he wears them every Sunday when he plays pickleball. I was jealous as they seemed to have forgotten about me – they didn’t even ask. So, I used my own money. I’d been saving for a new rifle, although there was a slick derringer with a skull carved handle I always wanted, but may ask Santa or Uncle Bobby for that at Christmas.

Instead, I got my own Baby J that the president sanctioned and I guess gets 80 percent of all sales. Mom and Dad say he deserves it with all the great work he does. And I agree – we don’t even go to school anymore. Just the Bible classes and the firearm training, which is my favorite. Some kids at school said it was supposed to be the Great One’s face but somehow they worked out a deal to do that on the next version. I’ll definitely get one of those, too! And I hope they do one with his favorite daughter too, hubba, hubba! Oops – sorry! I apologize! Sin!

I hate to be a complainer but once out of the box you need to assemble it and I’m not real good at those kinda projects. I’ve never had an art class, not even sure what that even means? But I think you make stuff and that’s pretty bad and evil. That’s what the priest and nun says, anyway.

His body looks pretty beat up and his face is so sad. Maybe because of all the sinners and it’s his job to trap them all and hang them for their sins. Sometimes the President just burns them. Or puts them on a boat and sends them back to shithole countries. I know I’m not supposed to say that word but this is my secret as no one can hear me, and that’s what the Great One said on television.

Once I get him all together, I’m gonna turn his smile upside down. He will see we have so much to be happy and grateful for. I learned that at Bible class. And my Baby J will help keep me remain pure and allegiant. I am the lucky one. Me and my Baby J.