Today was another meeting and conversation
It’s a biweekly thing
Vampires draw blood an hour before
Little mosquito – no vampire,  she smiled

Pretty thorough reveal
Who knew the reveal contained such depth
Lotta shit percolating within
Now – so painfully relevant

I dreamed last night I was at this truck stop
Unsure why or what my destination
Even where I’d been
Recognized some guys from work
But they ignored me
When our eyes met
Looked right through me
Their ignorance seemed genuine

Confused but unconcerned
More frustrated by clerk
Also ignoring my desire

To purchase a large fountain drink
And some peanuts
I waited far too long
She was older, white, boisterous,
Maybe angry, def MAGA

She commanded a level of power
She was unapologetically exercising
Even though she didn’t exist
Only in my head

Yet she felt so familiar

Not her specifically

But her kind

Far too many

So if Noah was handing out

Tickets for survival

I’d find a way to deny

And more like her
I thought of her as the
Oncologist knocked on the door

A few pleasantries exchanged
Then right to business at hand
Some options presented
Each one a separate line item
I could digest and process
As features and benefits revealed
Challenges as well

But the percentages
Statistics on how I may fare
One and four seemed to be
Challenging debate for Tumor Board
Still waffling this am
Fifty percent on both
Surgeon lobbying to cut
Oncologist leaning for
Revised regimen
including Radiation

Need more tests
But back to percentages
Fifty percent meaning what
What if I draw tails

Six months from now
Spring is in the air
And what will I breathe
I need time to process
The choices seem hollow

I keep my thought folders
Relatively organized in my mental hard drive
Mortality is one I’ve had
Long before the diagnosis
Existential pondering late into the night
Long car rides as well
Imagining the moment
The realization
The regrets
Potential legacy
Of what

The big sleep
But also the memorial
Quite an enjoyable fantasy
However macabre
Including the playlist
Now its current
Even tactile
Unfinished business
Yet no control
Beyond honoring this regimen

Get all in order
The time is now
Comrade
Let’s review the playlist
Fifty percent