I chastised him for his reluctance to fight
Recognizing it was more for the rest of us
Once he shared his physical pain
Becoming unbearable at times
He felt he had shared enough
Given all he could
It was his time
And no one could change
His acceptance of finality
To a cherished life of
Goodness and joy
Watching his progeny find their direction
And own pride and joy
This was sufficient and fulfilling
To him
Not for me to judge
I could not know
Or understand his suffering
Disease set his boundaries
A pep talk could not deter
Or understand

And now I knew
Understood the pain
Yet mine was unclear
A mental battle
Wrestling with unknown possibilities
Preparing for the worst
To soften the blow
Should it come
As we draw closer
To the ultimate truths

Papa already knew
I questioned his preparations
Not in judgement
But genuine curiosity
I longed for his guidance
As I had throughout
He always delivered
With calm and assurance

I need you now
And await your direction