I confess, I’ve waited my entire life for the angel of Marvel or DC to come and enlist me. Now, in the midst of these treatments, this would be an ideal time for this long-awaited visit. I would even agree to continue hosting these ruthless and irrational carcinogenic terrorists as a deterrence for potential evil with my newfound skills of flight, bionic strength, MJ agility, and death-defying healing properties (with certain exceptions of course!). Cancer being my kryptonite. Controlled by Aliens, let’s say.

It’s not just the miracle of healing this killer inside me. I need a sensational story beyond average cool to enliven and sustain my new legacy. And all the perfect pieces are in place from the Proton radiation to the multiple bags of unpronounceable chemo poisons flowing through my veins. Or the radioactive dyes injected during scans that scurry around and bond with the demon cells.

I dreamed last night I was finally gifted with my new weapon with the knowledge and strict instruction that I only utilize for the good of mankind. Before it was too late. Much like Jeannie could fold her arms and blink to make Admiral Nelson disappear, all I had to do was glance in the direction of my victim, affirmatively blink, and they would immediately suffer a life-altering heart attack. And unmanageable, uber raging hemorrhoids. Combined.

Feeling fortuitously blessed, and armed with my new artillery for change, I immediately began assembling my needed travel plans as I embarked on my newfound mission to rescue all mankind! My very first stop was Washington, DC – natch! I was so excited about all I could accomplish there in just a few days. Then off to Florida, maybe South Carolina, and Georgia after? So much hate! So much work ahead!

Yes, indeed – Cancer’s been good to me. And now it’s time to save the world!