it was not that unimaginable when she told me
the mighty cerebrum as our personal internal computer
i created this particular folder within my mind my mind my mind
probably a few weeks after i settled into the news
acceptance was not as challenging as imagined

are you sure it’s not your heart
i argued it had elements of both
and spent years preparing

there was rational yet also the sobering potential
and that opened endless internal reflections
painfully enticing like alcoholic overindulgence
but once problematic you shelve so not to lose
until it’s time

a slice of weathered brokenness
the glory of me within a new and unfamiliar shell
we both knew avoidance was no longer an option

holiday melodies stirred a memory of when
elves with helpers shared dreams and aspirations
rustling leaves below the dance of rodent rituals
yuletide poems joyously fill our shelves in awe
a passage of time and ritual to behold again

i truly can’t find it