I love her so much – I find her sexy as hell – so beautiful, I just want to fuck her all the time. I don’t know why she pushes me away. But I do still love her. She turns away, the motion shares her scent, a second dismissal, however unintentional. Still hurt.

Just want to start it over again. Pick the place and try. Again. Feel that sense of possibility, but regret.is all that remains. This music is numbing, but finds the spot. I struggle with the rhythm, yet one more brutal reminder of the now. Positive change deflected by lazy self pity. Drawn to sleep. The sadness feels good and I’m diggin the travel. Memory, the enticing and surgical dagger.

I do have enough. Acknowledge! It’s already here. Still the insufficiencies defined by a vision ungrounded in the stars alignment. Like a disease – this desire, with choices and acceptance, not so much the comfort of medication. Something’s wrong here, inside, always. and its burning with abandon. I feel this undeterred gravity. Pulling along as the darkness eagerly follows. The weight. The Anchor we called him. Without the appendage.

And then we all laughed. He’s not funny anymore. And I don’t know if we ever were.