Blah, blah – I agree – the self-pity gets old, and pointing figures at others without taking the needed steps for genuine reflection and making the needed adjustments to better oneself is all valid advice and practice. The shitty world diatribes coupled with the anti-canine rhetoric are more about my self-loathing than anything else. Yes, the world could be a fucked-up place, but I certainly didn’t offer much sunshine or flowers. See – there I go again! But I fully knew I was more part of the problem than solution. I let myself go and, in the process, recognized that society simply had fucked up barriers. Right or wrong – they simply were. I could fight. I could change. But my typical choice was to eat instead. And complain. And hate. Much like the haters themselves. Yeah, it wasn’t right. But I’m not convinced it wasn’t wrong either. My observations weren’t necessarily unfounded or misguided. But so what? Life is ugly. Life is mean. Get over it! Yeah, maybe. Just hadn’t figured that out yet. In the meantime – the self-deprecating bitch jokes and my degenerate mental misogynist lust sustained me. Within my own disgust and self-hatred, I was still smiling inside. Or was I?