People often offer their unwelcome opinions on depression and suicidal thoughts. “It’s so selfish,” or “I can’t even imagine how someone could think like that!” Well, fuck them and their content, happy and wonderful lives. For some of us, life just sucks. Sure, masturbation helps, as does a giant steaming plate of Singapore noodle. But what feels even better is that long snooze after actually jerking off or eating a big ass bowl of moo goo gai pan. An even bigger dump, rub one out, and sleep.

And as far as we know – what is death but one endless nap, right? The Big Sleep? When everything else seems so trying, painful and fruitless – honestly, not such a bad option. Ok, no more Italian beef sandwiches with duck-fat fries topped with chili, but I still think I could down a full bottle of pharmaceuticals knowing those cherished delicacies are no longer an option.

It’s funny, but it’s not.

It’s real and it’s painful.

It sucks!

Boo-hoo.