He was right. Not about the gratitude part – fuck him – but about my worthlessness. I shouldn’t even be there – shouldn’t have to listen to him or anyone talk to me like that. But I do and I did. And I simply stood there and stared at his face – every crevice, every line, the expressions, the passion he brought to his genuine disgust of every fraction of my expansive frame and interior. His punctuated insults so effortlessly, flowing from his confident but tainted tongue.

But maybe I should. Did I deserve to be there – to withstand the critique and take my warranted beatings? What had I accomplished? What prevented his verbal assault beyond human decency? My self-worth was waning yet so was my own concern for morality and the mores of reason. Much like those Popeye cartoons of old – I felt mini versions of myself individually posturing on each my shoulders – the good Loser and the bad Loser. And Lucifer Loser vociferously was lobbying I lay that cocksucker out! But my thoughtful and cowardly angelic Loser – he claimed the timing was not necessarily apropos. And violence is never the answer! He thoughtfully (and wisely?) explained – I hadn’t fully assessed my options.  You are generally not an impulsive sort. Unless in a buffet line. Even my own angels could be cruel.

Though it was challenging, I made every effort I could to stifle my anger and resentment and somehow found the needed strength to stomach my proverbial pride. Or maybe I had none. Still, I was able to rationalize my predicament. How do you even process scumbaggedness of that magnitude? Was this some kind of cruel joke – a test of sorts? Was there a hidden camera? Obviously not. He was indeed the epitome of American scum – a common thread of detestable and ugly modern (or was it always?) human behavior that ubiquitously prevails everywhere you go, anywhere you work, any retail business you engage, any social situation your life thrusts you amongst. This is the society we have become (or again – sustained). Even our political leaders comfortably and consistently ooze this decadence, and it’s heralded by the masses as honest and “real.” Which suggests that we all think in offensive and ignorant terms, and now we have simply evolved into openly sharing our demons with expectations – perhaps demands – of rewards for our douchebagged proclamations and actions.